A Christmas Day in the Life of this Jessica

This weeks blog request comes from my exes aunt Paula who is one of the kindest and most accepting women I've ever had the pleasure of knowing in my life. She wants to know all about the best Christmas I had as a child. So I'm getting in my Christmas pajamas, cuddling up to a fuzzy penguin blanket, and sipping on a hot cup o' Joe in a festive mug, and my recommendation is that you all do the same as you read this.

I grew up for a good portion of my childhood in a military family. My dad was in the Marine Corps and my mom was mostly always at home for me and my little brother. The very first place that my dad was stationed at was Camp Lajeune in Jacksonville, North Carolina.I must have been around four or five, honestly, I don't remember anything from those years besides the holidays. Oh, and the time that the fire department had to come rescue my tiny little fingers that I managed to wedge permanently underneath the kitchen counter top.

I remember the Halloween I spent grounded, I remember my little brothers first birthday party, (clown included) and I remember the best Christmas I have ever had, to this day. 

Since we were a military family, there were minimal amount of times when we got to see our extended family. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins were an unfamiliar concept to me. But I knew it was special when they were around. That year both my dads and moms parents were all there in our present crowded living room. That hasn't ever happened again since that day. And when I think about it, the reason I remember this Christmas so well probably has more to do with the gathering of family rather than the amazing amount of presents I received, which is that Christmas should be about.

The holidays were such a magical time before I was nine and was told that Santa isn't real. My parents always did everything in their power to make Christmas feel amazingly special. That year the first thing I received was a scroll wrapped up in a red bow and tied into the tree. My mom opened it and recited to me a personalized letter from Santa. You can't imagine how remarkable I felt to have such a busy big guy taking the time to write and leave me a letter telling me how good I had been that year. On top of that, I don't think I have ever received as many gifts on a Christmas since that one. It was hard not to notice the huge unwrapped play kitchen in the very back, and knowing how that made me feel, I can't wait until the Christmas that Liv is finally old enough to receive her own. I can't recall the other approximately 500 presents I opened. But I do know we ate really good food all day long.

I'm sure I've had some good Christmases since then but nothing comes close to the greatest one. Most of my Christmases have been clouded over with such terrible memories. In the past five years of my life, Christmas has been more of a roller-coaster of emotions. From the Christmas we spent without my dad that ultimately resulted in my parents divorce, to the Christmas where I was on my own at seventeen, to the last four years that I haven't even spoke to my mom or dad during the holidays. I'm happy to say that this year is the first time in five years that I've actually been really hopeful that the holidays will turn out more than wonderful and I'm crossing my fingers that I can get through the day with out crying even once. At least that's the only thing I've asked Santa for this year.