So I want to talk some about something that I struggle with way more often than I should, and that is baby fever. Yes, it is real. And if you have ovaries you will understand how real it is. It's ironic that I picked today to write about this because I actually just finished my very first month of birth control today since I had Liv. I'm so glad I'm finally taking birth control again and I feel like if I desired to have another baby, now it would consciously be my choice.
I wasn't taking birth control for the first year after Liv was born because I was breast feeding and it's highly recommended to not take any medication what-so-ever while breast feeding.
So, with that being said, I'm not planing on actually having another baby but I am planing on being constantly conflicted on whether or not I want to soon.
Every time I think I've made my mind up that I'm ready to wait for five years, I turn around and think about how great it might be to have another little monster terrorizing my house. I mean, who wouldn't want that?
I don't know why I have this fantasy that another pregnancy will be so wonderful, because in reality my pregnancy with Liv was such a torture. From anemia to kidney stones to heart burn that pulls me out of sleep like a bucket of water was dropped on my head. But pregnancy has it's rewards too, I have to say. At the end of it all, you get a tiny nugget of joy.
I guess I just want to feel like my body is totally prepared to take on another pregnancy again before I do because there's the unfortunate miscarriage that I had this year. That baby would have been born in this very week that we just went through had I still been carrying it. So maybe my recent case of baby fever is coming from what could have been right now? One of those great unknowns I suppose.
I keep thinking everything in life has to be perfect before I can have another child. I have to have a perfect marriage, (how is that ever possible?) outstanding finances, (everyone's dream regardless of wanting a child or not) and I need to feel physically and emotionally ready but really how can I ever tell.
But the honest to God truth is, if we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives. Lemony Snicket said that.
But until I'm sure that I'm sure, I suppose I'll stay on track with the birth control.
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