Getting to Know Me

I thought I'd share more about myself tonight to give any readers more of an opertunity to get to know me and my current life. 

This is me, Jess. Something that's not commonly known about me is that I secretly struggle with accepting my own body image though my numerous shameless selfies would convince you otherwise. The truth is, no matter what size I've ever been at in my life I have always had a melt down in a dressing room during bikini season. Even when I was a petite middle schooler, I can recal crying in my moms lap for how much I felt like I loathed my own body. 

It's not common for me to share this with anyone though because I feel like this is a "weakness," if you will, that other girls like to target most often. And I've always felt that if I kept how I felt about it to myself than no one could ever hurt me with it. 

In the right clothing I will literally be dressed in strength and radiate confidence but when it comes to things like bikini season I shatter and become incredibly nitpicky.  

"My boobs are non exsistant." 

"My feet are too wide." 

"My butt has too much cellulite." 

"My back arches too much so my stomach isn't flat enough." 

And those were all pre-baby complaints. 

I have those kind of hips that expand and get wider when you carry a child and that's typically not something that ever changes back after having a baby no mater how many pounds you shed. 

And I haven't even begun to explain the severity of the stretch marks I gathered. By the end of my pregnancy even the nurses at the hospital I delivered at were wincing and saying, "oh you got it really bad hun," and, "you poor thing." 

A year and a half later and time has done its thing and I've cried out all the tears I had in me about what my body became, the scars are fading and I have learned how to ignore whatever I don't like and take pride in whatever I do. 

My body did something incredible and life changing and though I can't muster up the courage to even humor the very thought of buying a swimsuit each summer I still would never blatantly call myself ugly. I still fell like I am a strong and beautiful human being and I will never believe that my body image makes me unworthy of being loved. Still, don't invite me to the beach any time soon. 

I'll show up in a parka. 

This is my home. I live on a pretty secure military base so I'm not too afraid to post this. This is the first place Nick and I have together been able to call our own. We don't own it, the military does and we rent it from them while they want Nick here at this location. And honestly we could have to leave at any time of the year. That's what I love about the military, it's so adventurous. This photo was taken when we first moved in at the beginning of March this year. It's a three bedroom, two bathroom, open floor plan house. I originally said I wanted to garden but after dealing with a traumatic amount of spiders INSIDE our home I decided that I didn't want to have fun outside of it in fear of how much worse it could be. Plus Texas is sweat underneath your boobs kind of hot. Yeah don't put me down for that. 

So therefore, most of my attention has been focused on the inside of our home rather than the outside. 

That poor dead grass will never be revived. 

I'll do a post about what the inside of my home looks like after it's nice and tidy and not a hair is out of place for photographs. 

None the less, I'm proud to call this home. San Antonio is a really cool place to be. I've done a fair amount of scavenging the city. Depending on where we go next, I might actually be a little sad to leave this place. 

This is my hubby and this photo does incase his personality. He is in fact, a cannibal. 

I'm just kidding. He's just really goofy occasionally. I accept that because I'm even goofier and he accepts that so I kind of have to too. 

Depending on what day it is (what time of the month) we like each other. Or not. 

This day, we did. 

Oh, you might notice that he's mixed. And we are in fact an interracial couple and believe me when I say I'll have blog posts in the future about that as well. I however, hardly ever notice he's a different color than me. I'm positive he feels the same. 

 This is our adored child Liv. Elivia for long. She's my utmost favorite. It's safe to say both Nick and I like her a lot. 

She looks a lot like me and like my mom. And sometimes I'll catch her making a weird face and she will look like Nicks little brother too. 

She prefers to take her baths with me because it makes her feel safer. I'm down with that. What ever makes my child feel secure. Plus it's extra sweet bonding time and she gets super cuddly and happy during bath time. 

These are the things that I'd say are most relevant in my life. Myself, my home, my marriage, and my child. It might not sound like a whole lot but the more you get to know me, you'll learn that that's more than enough for me to handle for the time being. I can't wait to tell you guys more about each and everything.